Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
