I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize