The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
