If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
