i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i will never coherently bang her
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
