Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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