I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
accomplished twins. life is a go
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
