It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
