My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
did i just pee glitter
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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