Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You smell like stripper and shame
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
