one might say we're banned from that church
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
