Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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