Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
