if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
