It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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