hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
