Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
