Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
