Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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