I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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