You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
