Those balls look pretty dangerous.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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