went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
