I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize