Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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