He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
