Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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