walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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