Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
