I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
