what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
