They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
