I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
