My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Sober January is a disaster.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize