I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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