the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
