walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
