doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
