last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
