My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize