I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
