i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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