I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
