She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
