i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
