I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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