I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
