A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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