I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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