I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
