How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
