i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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