so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize