I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
