This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
This is my gift to your gina
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
