i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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