3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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