so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
