if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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