My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
