I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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