I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
