I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
