Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
