I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
