there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
