i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm eating all of the evidence.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
