so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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