My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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