There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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