Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
well you can't waste a boner
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you win again, gameday.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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