Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
