I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
