he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
