I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
