Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
