i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
