Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
