True but thats because hes a fetus.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
