I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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