i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
