I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
pop tarts are not kleenex
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
