The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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