It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
