i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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