Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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