Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
