Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
