You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
