I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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