Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
