i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
