you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
