I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
