Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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