so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You pole danced in your parka.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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