Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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