If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
