So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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