you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
