i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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