pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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