We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize