He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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