did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Randomize
