i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
