my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
