Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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