i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
