He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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