Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
