Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
