you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
