i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
