People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
