see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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